Muffin Tops and Heffalumps*

Alright this is a post for my girls out there, just info to think about so don't take offense. This world is so weight concerned and I can't stand it! Me, I've been called athletic. I'm about 5'8", not telling you how much I weigh but I'm not considered thick and I'm not told to "eat a sandwhich" either. I could probably lose about 5 pounds, but when I do lose weight, it comes right out of my boobs! So, Ben, you'd probably prefer me not to drop any :) My point is to say to you girls out there who may need to lose 5-10 pounds, WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT YOU! I guarantee, no one will notice the extra, you'll feel better about yourself and I swear guys won't notice (until you get in the bedroom, but you shouldn't be in there anyways the first time you meet him).

I see so many girls (especially here in fat engourged MO) that wear clothes that don't fit them. This results in tight shirts and jeans. Nothing more unappealing than that, for sure! This causes what my guy friends call (and call you behind your backs) Muffin Tops! You know, when you make muffins and you fill the cup too far and you pull them out of the oven and they've overflowed. That's what your fat skin looks like coming over the top of your jeans! GROSS! So when you're in the dressing room at the Gap, Banana Republic or (god forbid) Wal-Mart, sit down in those jeans you just squeezed yourself into! If you can grab a handful on the side, DON'T BUY THEM! It's SO unattractive! If you buy bigger jeans, you give the illusion of being thinner because when you're out on the dance floor shakin' it with the boys and they grab your hips, they aren't grabbing a handful of skin! Who cares what size you are! No one is looking at your tags! Also, size XS and S aren't for anyone but those girls in the "Pussycat Dolls". If you aren't tan, have your navel pierced and especially if you're wearing jeans that are a size too small for you, don't wear a form fitting tee! There's nothing worse than seeing how big a chic's bellybutton is especially if it's the size of doughnut! There, I said it!

*Heffalump: word used by Slopmaster to describe girls that are overweight (and probably have muffin tops)